A Letter To My Mum

For giving me life, guidance and most of all, love. 


I will never in this lifetime or the next be able to show you how much I love and appreciate you. 


Dear Mum,

Thank you for giving me life, even though I don’t always appreciate being alive in this world, I’m glad you put me on this planet, because it means I get to be with you.

You married daddy and you looked so beautiful. You’re still with him and you grow more and more beautiful each day. It’s as if you were on fire from within, and the moon lives in the lining of your skin. You are radiant, intelligent, and I’m so proud that you are my mother.


1426514_10153084247850737_8890522675076183750_n.jpg


Maybe you weren’t prepared to get pregnant as quickly as you did, and maybe I was annoying whilst I was in your womb, with my constant hiccups and karate chopping your bladder and kicking all your organs around. But you didn’t let that stop you from smiling whilst you were creating me, building me carefully like a priceless art piece. 


1930163_17345087636_6816_n


I know I was a difficult birth, and I risked both our lives, but luckily you had amazing doctors looking after the two of us, and we fought and fought until we both made it through, alive and healthy.

I wasn’t easy from the get go, but you never gave up on me. You kept on loving me and looking after me. From what seemed to be a long pregnancy, to a horrific delivery day and through the five years I refused to sleep, you never gave up on me. I can never thank you enough for that. You are so strong. You are a warrior. 

When I was a baby, I would smile whenever I looked at you. I would breathe in your scent, and warmness would fill me. You fed me, played with me, and taught me, even though you were depressed and didn’t want to be on this planet. Though you didn’t feel like you could get through it, you did, you won the battle, and me and daddy are so thankful that you did, and we are so proud of you.


 


Growing up, I was still trouble. I would fight with you, and do horrible things. I would get so angry I screamed and screamed, and even though you yelled back, deep down I knew you loved me more than anything. We always made up and cuddled each other, and now that I am older, I regret all those stupid fights, I will regret them for the rest of my life. I will forever be sorry for them, and I know I can’t take them back, but I wish I could. Still, you never gave up on me. You continued to fight for me, and not just with me. Your love outweighed the anger, and I find that incredible. But I’m sorry for making your life difficult when I was growing up. 

My teenage years, I got worse. I got into bad relationships and did things I never should of done (you know what I’m talking about, and we will keep that between us). I was quite literally the teen terror from Hell. I was so rude and dishonest to you before I closed myself off completely. I wish I could redo that part in my life, because I would have done it so differently. You never deserved any of that, not even 0.00001% of it. But you continued to be a warrior and fight through it by my side, even if I didn’t notice. You’re the strongest woman I know. You’re an inspiration, and my hero.

When I was eighteen, I put you through something no one deserves to go through, especially you. I attempted suicide and you were there by my side, fighting for me to live. Fighting for me to survive. If you weren’t there with me, and if you hadn’t supported me and been there for me after that, I don’t think I would of made it. I’m so sorry for putting you through that nightmare, it’s another thing I wish I could take back. But at the same time, I became less boxed up and I opened up to you more. I think it weirdly made us closer than ever. I began to show that I loved you again (even though I never stopped loving you), and you loved me harder. Even now if I have a bad day, you’re there to sit with me and fight with me. You don’t let me go through horrible things alone, you’re willing to throw yourself to the demons, my demons, so that I don’t have to fight them off by myself. I can never thank you enough for that. 

Even though I put you through Hell and back, you still pushed me to graduate High School, which I did, and I’m proud of myself for that. And I’m so thankful that you pushed me, I don’t think I could have done it without you. 


1017063_10151458767640737_1582885912_n


Now that I’m an adult, we are closer than we ever have been before. I’m writing this while I’m sick, which has brought us even closer (especially with what you have to help me with right now, haha). You still will drop everything you’re doing if I need your help. You still fight along side me, and you’re teaching me how to become a warrior. 

Through my life you have taught me so much, like how to be silly and have fun, how to handle certain situations, and most importantly, how to be the best me that I can be. You teach me something new every single day, and I know you will continue to teach me for a long time. 

Thank you for being you. Thank you for everything you are, and everything you do.

You are a role model to so many people, but especially me. You are my rock. You are my hero. You are who I aspire to be like. You are my oxygen. You are my warrior. You are my strength.  You are my life. You are my first love. You are my happy place. You are hard working. You are my motivation to keep going. You are my safe place. You are many many amazing things, but most importantly, you are my mother. You are the best mum anyone could ask for, and I’m so damn lucky that you’re mine. 

I love you forever,

Daisy (Bean)


11825207_10207586758006749_6463150771576132757_n


11831701_10207599668569505_808136782371363179_n


 


11846707_10207599580407301_4246353779249355733_n


11863416_10207599607367975_6884653824005980366_n


 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: